I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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