They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
