I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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