Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I need to sanitize my soul.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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