this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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