You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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