eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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