I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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