I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
