"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
