News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
