there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I still have a little drunk in my system
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
