That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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