Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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