I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
