Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
