some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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