just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
