i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
