never play flip cup with pint glasses
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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