In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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