Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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