): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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