We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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