So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize