Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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