PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she told me i tasted like america
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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