Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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