I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
