Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
