sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
