The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
