I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
