im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize