I feel great
I just peed on a car
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
