There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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