can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
