You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im six kinds of drunk right now
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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