The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
