Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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