I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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