It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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