The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dicks are not precious.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
