So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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