some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
