Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
