Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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