His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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