Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
we made out on top of his cat.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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