The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
