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it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
