so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
