he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
