I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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