How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
