i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
