Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
