so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
