And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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