he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
