How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
