FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
