uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
