Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
