i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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