in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
