Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
as a side note pls kill me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
