Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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