my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
