you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
