dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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