I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
