u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
