i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
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