i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
