The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
