Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
