The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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