Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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