I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
