I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
