i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize