I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
