You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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