Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
