Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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