Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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