you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
