You're completely useless in the revolution.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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