I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
