I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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