my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
