She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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