Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize