Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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