everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
