Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
