he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
