You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
