Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize