you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
