Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
