Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
