Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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