so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
