I can text with my tongue
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
