He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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