I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
